Thursday, July 28, 2011

Guest Post: God provides comfort, hope, and peace.

A couple of months ago I sat with a decaf coffee in hand, soaking in the company of two my dear friends, Sally Wood and Diane Amoroso. Diane and Sally are sisters and I know them both from different seasons in my own life. Diane was a friend of mine from college who I had lost touch with for the most part, except for our few facebook interactions here and there. Diane was visiting for about a week, and the two of them invited me to come and crash their party one night after all the kids were asleep. I was blessed as I listened to Diane's testimony of how God was there for her over the past few years. I asked that she write out her story so other believers might also be reminded to seek God to be their comforter, provider, and emotional the same way that she has. For me, personally, Diane's story reminds me to peacefully rest in God's promises in my own life even before I see those promises come to pass, knowing that He is ALWAYS FAITHFUL. I hope that God uses her testimony to speak to your heart wherever you are today...

After a couple years of marriage, my husband and I decided we wanted to expand our family. We were so excited when we conceived on our first try! We broadcasted our joyous news immediately, and then I miscarried a week later. It was devastating to me, but people kept trying to comfort me by telling me things like this:
  • "It's very normal"
  • "It happens to a lot of people"
  • "At least it happened early"
  • "At least you know you can get pregnant"
  • "It won't happen again" etc...

Their words were of no comfort to me. I stuffed my pain deep inside, thinking I was being a wimp about it. However, the pain resurfaced time and time again until 6 months later my older sister "gave me permission" to grieve. She validated my pain, and helped me to realize that it was a very real loss for me.

A couple months after that we found out I was pregnant again. This news came with dread instead of joy. What if I miscarry again? There were tears instead of excitement as I told my family of the "happy" news...I was so afraid. My fears were confirmed when I went to the doctor and it was again a very weak pregnancy, and likely to miscarry. My second pregnancy ended a week later. This time, however, I allowed myself to grieve. I found a Christian book on miscarriage that helped me to understand that my baby, though he/she was really a tiny ball of cells at the time of loss, was alive, and that I will see him or her in heaven one day.

As the months went by, my husband and I kept trying. However, by this time I was becoming obsessed. Month after month I was disappointed and decided to try something else to take things into my own hands. Not only did this obsessing not help, but it actually worked against the "trying" process because it was causing me to stress. I think I was scaring my husband! This "one-tracked mind" was controlling me, and I started not being able to be happy for other women who were pregnant. It got to the point where I would avoid pregnant women in my life; I couldn't stand to be anywhere near them because it was so painful for me.

I knew what I was feeling
was not what God wanted from me, so I began to seek Him more. I did everything I could to draw closer to Him, begging Him to take this burden from me. I was so hungry and thirsty for Him to speak to me and help me. At one point I remember crying out to Him saying,
"I'm like the woman in the Bible who wanted to be healed and was healed just by touching the hem of your garment. Please let me touch the hem of your garment and be healed!"
At that moment He showed me Isaiah 40:11'
"He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart..."
Through that verse, what I felt was a slap in the face saying,
"You are acting like a desperate woman! You are NOT a desperate woman. You act like you have to chase after me, but you don't realize I am holding you in my arms."
That was such a wake up call to me, and from that moment, I had a picture of God holding me, carrying me in His arms, walking me through this time of trial. He became more and more every day my source of strength. Every day I was getting stronger in His word through my own quiet time with Him (I was getting up at 5:30 a.m. just to start my day with God), and through my pastor and other Christian speakers and authors. I verbally bound the spirits of control, obsession, and envy and cast them to the depths of the sea.

About 8 months after my second miscarriage, God began to send people to me.
First he sent my 6 month pregnant sister to visit me. I was very nervous about her visit, but it was therapeutic for me. How could I envy someone I love so much? How could I not love my nephew growing inside her? I felt healing and love where envy had stood.

Next, God gave a Christian coworker of mine a "word of knowledge" in the form of a vision. She saw me very pregnant, twice, and said to me, "In the name of Jesus you will have your baby. Thank you Jesus for this baby."

Last He sent a Christian couple who was visiting the U.S. from Argentina. They hadn't planned on visiting us, but felt God leading them to share their story of struggling with infertility with us. They also proclaimed that in Jesus name we would have many children. My husband said, "See how much God loves you? He is sending people to speak to you."
By this time, I was healed on the inside, not only because of the hope that had been given to me, but because God healed my broken spirit and had grown me immeasurably. I am a different level of Christian today than I was before. I have more faith in God's Word and in His plans for our lives. I thank Him for the difficult time He allowed me to go through (though I am thankful it is over)!

Surely enough about a month later I wasn't feeling well, took a test, and was pregnant. This time the news was received by my husband and I with rejoicing! I knew this baby was here to stay. God needed me to go through the trials of the previous 2 years so that I could find Him as my only source of strength. Our daughter is due in a few weeks, and I rest in the fact that this was His perfect timing for her to arrive, and that He will provide for all our needs.

He is our comforter and our provider.
About the Author: Diane Amoroso lives in South Florida. She has been married for 4 years to her loving husband, Diego. They met while working at the same school in Buenos Aires, Argentina, where Diane lived for 3 years. She is an elementary school teacher, currently teaching 4th grade. She attends Calvary Chapel in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. At the time of this posting Diane is 36 weeks along in her pregnancy and she and the baby are both healthy. :)

1 comment:

Kathy S. said...

Thank you for sharing your testimony. Seeing God work lovingly in lives ignites my heart. God bless you and your new addition to the family! :)